


Brave Enough / The Space Between Midnight and Dawn

by Missalyssasecret



Series: Not Casual At All [4]
Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Angst, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Mutual Pining, Sharing a Bed, Unresolved Emotional Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-21
Updated: 2019-05-21
Packaged: 2020-03-08 22:37:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18904072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Missalyssasecret/pseuds/Missalyssasecret
Summary: Danny and Roy aren’t ready yet, even if they both want to be.  Roy wishes Danny would stay; Danny wishes Roy would ask him to.Angst and suppressed feelings, and brief mention of Danny/random hookup.





	Brave Enough / The Space Between Midnight and Dawn

**Author's Note:**

> Angsty for a reason, because getting these two to talk about their feelings isn’t easy.
> 
> Also on AQ, find me under Miss Alyssa Secret.

_“What did you want to talk about, pussyface?”_

_“So…there’s this guy who gave me his number when we were out last week.”_

_“Yeah?”_

_“We’ve been uhhh, like, sexting and stuff.”_

_“…and?”_

_“He just asked if I wanted to hang out and watch a movie or something. I’m pretty sure he wants to fuck.”_

_“And Niagara’s a little wet. Of course he wants it, nobody gives you their number and then just wants to watch tv.”_

_“So…”_

_“Hmmm?”_

_“Should I tell him I’m already busy tonight?”_

_“Depends.”_

_“On?”_

_“If you’re going to go fuck him. Just…”_

_“What?”_

_“Nothing, go have fun.”_

_“What is it?”_

_“…I-“_

_“B, talk to me.”_

_“I just want. I- you’re sure he’s safe?”_

_“Uhhh, no, but he seemed okay.”_

_“Right.”_

_“You’re freaking me out. What’s wrong?”_

_“Could you- I mean. Just.”_

_“B. Do you want me to stay?”_

_“…yes. Stay tonight. Please.”_

_“Okay.”_

That’s how Danny wishes the conversation would go, how it does go in his head (in his heart). It’s the same one he’s had before with imaginary Roy when they’re in his living room and some random hot guy he met wants to hook up.

In his head, Roy asks him to stay and they talk. Maybe not about anything super important, maybe not even the next time or the time after that.

Eventually though, he finally is brave enough to have The Conversation. The one where the conflicted longing and carefully concealed hurt in Roy’s eyes every time he leaves to go fuck someone else boils over and they finally talk about the _thing_ that’s been their constant companion for years. The thing that’s in every hug that lingers just too long, the casual touches that send sparks of something up Danny’s hands.

Instead, it goes something like this:

“Hey B?” Danny looks up from his phone to catch Roy’s eyes. He’s lying on the couch with his feet in Roy’s lap, and they’ve been watching stupid drag queen memes on YouTube.

“Yeah?”

“So there’s this guy I met when we were out dancing last week. And I think he wants to hookup.”

“Now?” Roy’s expression is neutral, and his energy is completely flat, like the air around them is holding its breath.

“Yeah, like he said his roommate is out and we could have the place to ourselves.”

Danny watches Roy close his eyes, something that looks like pain crossing his face for a fraction of a second. It’s gone when Danny blinks.

“Sounds like a dick appointment. Go on.”

“B?”

“It’s that or staying in with this old whore.” Roy is smiling but it doesn’t reach his eyes.

“Are you sure? ‘Cause…”

Danny trails off, not sure what he was about to say. Roy’s hand clenches the leg of his pants, but that’s the only sign that he’s not sanguine.

“…’Course. What’s it got to do with me?”

“I could stay.”

_Please ask me to stay._

He watches Roy’s Adam’s apple bob as he swallows, like he’s forcing something back down.

“I’m…think I’m heading to bed anyway.”

_Please don’t go._

“…okay.”

“Have fun, pussyface,” Roy smiles that empty smile again as he closes the door behind him.

Later, when Danny is balls deep in the guy whose name he can’t even remember, he wishes he could stop thinking.

The guy is hot, definitely his type, but his eyes are smoky grey and not brown.

Danny flips him over and shoves his cock back in him from behind.

He has a sexy, come-fuck-me voice, but Danny barely hears the impassioned moans that normally would have him hard and hungry. Instead, he wishes for a laugh-roughened voice calling him “my love”.  

Danny shoves the guy’s head into the pillow and fucks him harder.

Danny watches with a sense of detachment as the guy reaches down to stroke his own cock, back arching and ass tightening. His hands are nice, felt good jerking him off five minutes after he answered the door, but the nails aren’t painted black.

He comes beneath him with a whimper a minute later, and Danny shuts his eyes and grips his hips tighter, fighting for his own orgasm.

The guy doesn’t have to know, is blissfully unaware, that the strangled moan Danny bites back when he comes is someone else’s name.

When they’re cleaned up, he invites him to stay, but Danny makes an excuse about needing to pick up a friend from the bar and leaves.

He opens the front door to darkness, locking it behind him and shuffling towards the bedroom with sudden weariness. Danny kicks off his shoes, strips down to his underwear, and climbs under the warm covers.

He sighs, exhaling confusion and frustration and years of friendship always teetering on the edge of something. It would only take one of them moving the slightest bit to pull them both off into freefall, but neither of them is brave enough.

Roy’s on his side facing away, and Danny is careful not to wake him as he presses his own face into the pillows and tells himself that this should be enough, the space between midnight and dawn.

Danny smells like alcohol and sex, and Roy concentrates on keeping his breathing even. He doesn’t need to know that Roy’s lain awake for an hour, silent and thinking. He doesn’t need to know that his heart leapt when Danny crawls into bed with him, and that it plummeted again when he remembers where he’s been.

They fall into fitful sleep, inches apart.

In the morning, Roy wakes up tangled with Danny under the covers and pretends that they’re as honest awake as they are asleep.  He kisses a warm shoulder before the anguish descends and he carefully frees himself. He watches Danny sleeping for a little longer before reluctantly turning away.

Danny wakes up to an empty bed, coffee waiting on the nightstand. When he emerges, Roy is already dressed and nothing is different than before. They smile at each other, hiding behind the fragile veneer of normalcy.

Maybe today, Roy will ask him to stay.

Maybe tonight, Danny does.


End file.
